I cried my self to sleep last night and as I type I am still crying..
I’m trying to be fair, but how can I be fair when I don’t know where I stand?..
For the past two weeks.. I’ve basically been stood up by my own boyfriend, or even forgotten.. And I’m to a point that I don’t know what I’m suppose to do now.
I try, I really do try to sympathize because I know he work 5 days a week; 9-5, and from Friday to Sunday he has his athletic career to deal with.. But before, he use to make time for me.. Make time for us..
Our phone conversation are not like what they use to be like.. Either we end up arguing about something, or they have to be cut short for some reason either on my end or on his end, and I’m tired. His car has all these different problems with it, and he is tryna to get them fixed so that nothing can hold him back, but everyday, there is a different problem and I can’t always deal with it.
I try to not be disappointed.. I try to not be angry or hurt by it.. But I’m only human.
And then my family is another thing.. Instead of being supportive of my feelings. They make snooty remarks and side comments to make me feel stupid..
And I do feel stupid..They never understand what I’m going through, they always pass judgement when it really isn’t necessary.
I just sit in my room or on my porch and wait for him, to just show up..
I call, and he doesn’t answer..
I thought for sure ts time, things would’ve been different. But like always, noones word means anything to me anymore.
But I blame myself, I should’ve seen it coming…
I’m gonna keep to myself, and stop getting my hopes up.
Cause dreaming and hope means nothing to me now.
I wanna fall asleep and never wake up, cause all I feel right now is pain.