Tears On My Pillow..

I’m back at this place where I feel totally unimportant..

I cried my self to sleep last night and as I type I am still crying..

I’m trying to be fair, but how can I be fair when I don’t know where I stand?..

For the past two weeks.. I’ve basically been stood up by my own boyfriend, or even forgotten.. And I’m to a point that I don’t know what I’m suppose to do now.
I try, I really do try to sympathize because I know he work 5 days a week; 9-5, and from Friday to Sunday he has his athletic careerΒ  to deal with.. But before, he use to make time for me.. Make time for us..

Our phone conversation are not like what they use to be like.. Either we end up arguing about something, or they have to be cut short for some reason either on my end or on his end, and I’m tired. His car has all these different problems with it, and he is tryna to get them fixed so that nothing can hold him back, but everyday, there is a different problem and I can’t always deal with it.

I try to not be disappointed.. I try to not be angry or hurt by it.. But I’m only human.

And then my family is another thing.. Instead of being supportive of my feelings. They make snooty remarks and side comments to make me feel stupid..
And I do feel stupid..They never understand what I’m going through, they always pass judgement when it really isn’t necessary.

I just sit in my room or on my porch and wait for him, to just show up..
I call, and he doesn’t answer..

I thought for sure ts time, things would’ve been different. But like always, noones word means anything to me anymore.

But I blame myself, I should’ve seen it coming…

I’m gonna keep to myself, and stop getting my hopes up.
Cause dreaming and hope means nothing to me now.
I wanna fall asleep and never wake up, cause all I feel right now is pain.

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9 thoughts on “Tears On My Pillow..

  1. I know that I’m shouldn’t comment because I really don’t know so much about you. But from what you’ve said in this post and I think he’s high time that you leave this guy and move on! I mean seriously! You can’t play second fiddle to his priorities. You deserve so much better!

    I’m only saying this because I was in a relationship that was similar and it took a lot guts to admit that I wasn’t his priority anymore and that I needed to move on.

    – Concerned Blogger.

    • Willow says:

      Thanks for your input.. But ‘easier said’ than done..
      I say this because him and I have been through so much together and all I hope is that this is just another test in our relationship…

      I really appreciate the encouragement,i do.. but I just can’t do it..

      • I know it’s easier said than done. It took a whole year of being neglected to finally pry myself out of a three year relationship.

        He was my best friend, and he was the one person who made my life have any kind of sanity.

        I really do hope that it’s just another test. But maybe just talk to him about it calmly? I mean, if he really does care, he might understand and try to change things for the better.

        I’m not asking you to make any rash decisions. πŸ˜› So don’t worry about that. I’m saying that don’t loose sight of yourself for his sake. You’re important too. πŸ™‚

      • Willow says:

        I took your advice and we talked about it.. For about 3 hours.. And he really understood.. I dunno why I didn’t think to do this sooner. Only time will show me if anything has changed πŸ™‚ I appreciate your encouragement highly also πŸ˜€

      • I’m glad it’s all working out. πŸ™‚

        ❀

  2. You’re a really good writer. πŸ™‚

    I hope that your situation works our the way it’s meant to and you can be happy.

  3. Vilipend says:

    It’s a difficult situation. You need to reevaluate where you are both at in life and think about if you see a future with him. This (the time apart) might be a temporary thing and he might be willing to make you a greater priority in his life if you let him know how much it hurts you. It’s best to talk these things out instead of internalize the pain. Then again, you guys just might not be at the stage of your life where a serious relationship can work.

    I’m sure it’ll work out in the end πŸ™‚

    • Willow says:

      I was concerned about how serious he was taking our relationship to be honest, and I am the kind of person who suffers in silence rather than confrontation, but I took some advice and talking does help. Maybe I didn’t value you him as much as I should, cause then I wouldn’t have let it eat me up inside before I said anything, and he let me have an earful of that (lol), but he did make it clear where he wants us to go and at what stage we are at. He said that things seemed to be going so perfect for us that he didn’t notice how it was negatively affecting me, so he will be more aware of his choices now because I am his number one priority. It felt so good to hear these things, and I’ve seen some kind of change, but time will tell how far along this will last.

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